It's been far too long

Sorry I haven't posted in a little while I have been busy with trying to keep busy. I've been struggling with my eating more so then ever. I am eating more, but I've been super urgy with self-harm, I slipped a couple times and burned. I know it's bad and I shouldn't have. But it didn't leave a mark. I decided that yesterday I was going to do my make up and take a couple new pictures. Because I haven't taken any pictures in a while. Any way. I'm trying to figure out if I should post them. Don't worry they aren't like nudy, they are fully clothed. But still. I have been creeped on before lol. And I'm not a fan of it. So if any of you have an opinion about it feel free to let me know. Haha.

I missed my therapy appointment today. My therapist texted me she was like "I'm guessing your not coming." We had a bit of a miscommunication problem. It kinda sucked. But I still have my emily program therapy appointment on thursday.

Guys I SUCK and journaling. I can't sit down and hand write in a journal about why I'm so upset. It's even hard to do it on here haha.

Any who, this weekend is going to be stressful. FML we are having a bunch of family to the cabin, that means for sure 10 people and 4 or 5 dogs. 2 big, 3 small.  Plus fireworks,  and 2 weddings. My mom is going to one and my dad is going to one, and my brother and I are staying at the cabin. Which means lots of eating. Lots of talking about my problem.... because thats how my family rolls. Sweet.

Well I have to go.
Until next time.
~*~*~ Love Corey ~*~*~

Stress levels

So this whole week starting last saturday has been really stressful for me. Mainly because starting last saturday my family started celebrating my birthday. I had to go out to eat 5 times this week. And I couldn't say no to anything... I'm to nice... And it's not like i ate everything.. But it was WAY to much for me. I broke down a bunch of times. And I went on this site (www.dailystrength.org) I use the eating disorder group among other. But it's really nice to get to hear people talk about how to cope with their ED's and they told me that it's ok to celebrate because I can go back to how I was next week.

Which I plan on restricting a little because I need that otherwise other bad things will happen... And I can't do those. But it's ok because i'm getting help.. I am only on the wait list for a dietitian now. I have a therapist :) which is good.

Can i be happy that this week i've lost 4 pound? if i've eaten more? is that ok or is that still my ED?

Idk but oh well. I had the most amazing weekend with my boyfriend. Aside from all of the eating i did. We went to a Twins game. And they kicked ASS!! it was amazing. I had tons of fun. I love him so much. He game me the most gorgeous necklace it's the second one he's given me... real diamonds again. he spoils me. It's NUTS! lol.  I can't believe we made it to 2 years!!

So all day since i've been trying to get back on track with healthy food and such i've been struggling with the planning out my meals and counting calories and mentally deciding if i only eat half the chicken  sandwich. Then I can have a small scoop of ice cream and some candied nuts. (mmm)

It's how it's been all week. like 10 X worse than usual. And it's usually really really bad.. Its getting so annoying and out of hand. I hate it so much...

Sorry i'm kinda downer tonight. I just watched my boyfriend drive away... :'( It's the WORST part of a long distance relationship.

Well have a good night.

And watch the tony's lol it's funny

~*~*~ Love Corey ~*~*~