NUT HUT!!

So on 10/24/11 at 9:30 pm I told my parents I wanted to kill myself, and I told them I had been cutting. I asked that they would take me to the hospital, because I wanted more help then they could give me. I had 550.5 pills I could take as well as my razors, and I was more than ready to use. I had 2 or 3 plans, all of them full proof, all of them with the result, my death. 

Once I got to the hospital ER I was put in a room that was 3 walls |_| and a sliding glass wall (that would be the top of the little picture) I was on suicide watch, and I had security out side my "window" all night. I joked around with them and made light of the situation for a while. 3:30 am hit and I was pacing around, freaking everyone out, and then I started getting super giggly. Making them crack up when I tried to hide behind the curtain. They could see my legs, but I thought I was the shit because I could hide. I finally fell asleep around 4am, very restless sleep, 4:30 am they woke me up and told me that there was a bed open for me in a psych ward and that I would be transferred in an hour. I was so out of it because I was 2 hours away from being up for 24 hours basically strait.

The ambulance came to get me at about 5 am. I cracked them up because I was so tired I was fascinated with the blue lights that where in the corner and that was all I was talking about the whole hour drive there. 

I arrived at CMC at about 6 am. I don't really remember being checked in or much of that day. I had a roommate but I didn't get a chance to meet her for 2 days (she got in 4 hours earlier then me). I remember that I didn't get to sleep till that night, I was up for 44 hours strait. I don't count that half an hour because it wasn't like actually sleep.

CMC is one of the highest rated lock-downs in the area. My day consisted of:

6:45 am - Vital check

7:20 am - Breakfast trys

Pills

9 - 10 am - Morning group, set goals for the day, talk about something random but important I guess.

10:30 - 11 am - Morning workout, sometimes it's from a video sometimes we go out side.

11:45 am - Lunch trays

1 pm - craft time

2:30 pm - afternoon discussion or educational video

3:30 pm - community group, get to know the new staff from shift change

4:30 pm - Dinner trays

5:30 - 7:30 pm - visiting hours

8 - 9 pm - night time group

pills

10 pm - tv gets turned to a relaxation video

10:30 pm - lounge gets locked up and tv off lights out.

Thats like a structured outline of a very loose schedule. But I did that for 2 weeks. We switched my meds, I met my roommate who is AMAZING and I love her lots. We got along so well!!! I met some awesome people. Made a couple of friends. Lots of laughs. Lots of tears. 

I'm really glad I went, the only down fall was not talking to kayla every second of every day. Not seeing my puppy. But Now I'm here and I'm alive. And hating this site for being dumb but thats whatever. 

Oh and I haven't cut since (10/21/11) just saying.